How to have beautiful breasts

A very short, two-piece guide. And yes, it was written by a man.

How to have beautiful breasts
Photo by Charles Deluvio / Unsplash

How to have beautiful breasts, Part I: the carrier side.

  1. Have breasts.
  2. Don’t put plastic in it.
  3. If you feel the urge to put plastic in it, talk to a psychologist first.
  4. If you let people’s perceptions of your breasts dictate your behavior, you’ll never grow as a person.

How to have beautiful breasts, Part II: the viewer side (very important).

  1. Yes, those tits, boobs, bazongas, hooters, whatever you call them seem outstanding to you. They are beautiful. It's OK. Get over it.
  2. Don’t stare at them.
  3. Breasts are a secondary sexual characteristic. We got that. The essential function is to nurture a newborn. Everything else is secondary and culturally induced.
  4. I know it's tempting but regarding breasts never confuse comment with a compliment. Watch the sass, Captain Sassypants.
  5. Don’t. Stare. At. Them.

Thank you very much for listening. And now, just continue to be as wonderful as you are.

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